Going AWOL

So, you’re probably wondering where the hell I’ve been. What have I been doing? Where did all the promises of this fabulous blog go? And what if anything have you signed up for?

Ok, so I have a confession. A real confession, one that makes me cringe to admit, mainly because I should know better, but here we go….

Firstly I have to apologise. Going Awol, isn’t really my style, but then I guess we all have our shit to handle every now and then. So here it is, my confession, my shit…. I am a recovering perfectionist. Actually perhaps lets lose the ‘recovering’ on this occasion! I am a perfectionist! There said it!!

So, I sent out that first news letter way back when. I know you all loved it, because you told me you did and thank you so much for that, I really appreciated it! It’s hard to put something out there for the first time without really knowing what people might say about you! So, it was great to hear from so many of you!!

With all that in mind, you’d think I’d be raring to go for the next one wouldn’t you? Well I was, I really was! But, I decided that the next one had to be better, much better. It had to have a new design, a new layout, it had to contain more information, more juicy bits, the video had to be better, I could brush up on the editing. I had to say more, give more value, pass on more tips, be better, do more, work harder. More bells, more whistles, more jazz hands – oh this one was going to be so cool, you were all going to be talking about it for days, weeks, months even! Ohhh yes I had big plans for this newsletter!

Actually I think I may need to say that twice! HA HA!!

Obviously nothing happened! No, that’s not strictly true, lots happened – but on the inside, the inside of me! I totally screwed myself over in the search for the perfect newsletter. I’d set my bar so high that I was never in a month of Sunday’s going to achieve what I set out to achieve! Yes, of course we should all have high standards, goals and dreams, however, where we have to be very careful, is that we don’t fall into the trap of giving ourselves so much to do that we become trapped by procrastination and fear. And yes you’ve guessed it, that’s exactly where I had found myself. In the Procrastination Pit!

The Procrastination Pit is the place where I questioned everything I did. Was it good enough? Was it on point? Would you all like it? What if you didn’t? What if you hated it? What if it was rubbish? Maybe I should just start again! Yes! That would be the best idea – I’ll start again. Now if I had a pound for every time I ran that loop in my head, I’d be wealthy lady! But sadly, The Procrastination Pit is also a payment free zone!

So what happened? How did I manage to end up totally sabotaging myself with fear and procrastination? Simples – I decided that what I was doing wasn’t enough. I wasn’t good enough. Nothing was good enough!

When you find yourself here, at the bottom of the pit, there are two choices, sit and wallow and pick at the situation, or, find yourself a ladder and haul your arse out of there! Believe me I did a fair bit of the first before I even saw what I was doing and thought about moving onto the second.

There are two points to my story. I’m a coach, I deal with this stuff all the time, yet I missed it in myself. I missed what I was doing. So, I wondered if I missed these signs of self sabotage, then perhaps you may miss them too – easily done when you get closely involved, when you’re passionate about something or someone. Sometimes you need to take time out to check in with you! Check out if the story that’s running through your head is actually true, or if it should perhaps start “Once upon a time…” You know in your gut in something is off kilter, you know if you take the time to listen to your truth. But, truth is often a very quiet voice easily drowned by the clamour of life and busyness, by the need to do more and be more. Slow down and take time to listen, take time out from the chaos, it’s usually where the best answers are, not in the trying and pushing harder, which is instinctively what we seem to do in times of stress and worry.

My second point is based around the idea of feeling the fear. Or maybe as the late Susan Jeffers says, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” See, much of what held me back, was the fear. The fear of what if…… Procrastination, faffing, generally coming up with a hundred valid reasons (excuses) not to do something, is all fear based stuff – and that could be anything from producing a newsletter to ending a relationship. From leaving a job you hate through to sorting your finances. We all have or own stuff. The trick is, to find out which one is yours. To notice your faffing, your putting things off. The need to make things bigger and better in an attempt to distract yourself from the original issue. To not then be scared to peel back the edges and wonder what is going on underneath! To face your fear! What was I scared of? Well that’s another story – you don’t get all my secrets in one go!!

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